Added: Vanassa Vine - Date: 25.09.2021 21:06 - Views: 21022 - Clicks: 9623
Try these: time management relationship advice healthy lifestyle money wealth success leadership psychology. Remember the excitement, the romance, and the lust? Sure, there were some challenges, but you were so happy as you explored whether you wanted to let this fascinating person into your bed, your heart, and your bank. You planned dates, you dressed to impress, and you opened up your vulnerabilities. You made that person your top priority, and they made you feel like the most important person on the planet.
And the sex? It was hot, it was fun, and it was frequent. Yes indeed, you were really, really good at falling in love. Because novelty and biochemistry were on your side. If you are like most long-term couples, the thrill has waned. When you were pursuing your mate, there was a cocktail of lust hormones and pleasurable neurochemistry boogying though your body. And it made you crazy — the brain of someone falling in love mimics obsessive-compulsive disorder.
But in a hilarious plot twist, once you achieved your goal — essentially, you made a commitment — your system shifted from pursuit to contentment. Novelty faded, the prize was won, and cuddling and complacency replaced sizzle and surprise. Fast forward a few years and you may find yourself in what I call Marriage Incorporated. Together, you do a great job of running your family — the mortgage is paid, kids get to dance class on time, and you even squeeze in a week of vacation here and there.
You may find you are friends more than lovers — roommates running a business — instead of that passionate duo you were when you started. The answer is yes. Extraordinary couples — that are deeply connected, playfully adventurous, wildly affectionate and sizzlingly sexy — are just like you. Except they make their love intentional. So why do that in love? Research indicates that a strong romantic relationship is the biggest predictor of happiness, good health, and a long life.
So stop taking your relationship, and your partner, for granted. Take action. Instead of waiting around for passion, become passion. I teach couples that if they want an extraordinary relationship, they need to master what I call the three keys to passion. What are those? Now, I want you to rate your relationship. Great couples are strong in all three keys to passion — in other words, they have a balanced Passion Triangle.
Currently, where are you strong and where are you weak? Perhaps you have lots of intimacy — closeness and communication — but the thrill is almost non-existent, and your sensual life is… well, not what it used to be. Or maybe you have lots of lust and adventure, but very little depth or real relationship skills — high sensuality and thrill, low intimacy. Sexy but superficial is unlikely to sustain you over the long term — without the relational glue of intimacy, you may burn out and start looking for someone new to light your fire.
But take heart. Passion is a teachable skill. It takes intention, effort, and action — but starting today, you can choose to make love a verb. You can choose to improve the weak areas of your passion triangle, one step at a time.
Here is a tool I like to use to get you started. Most mornings, my beloved and I snuggle on the couch — he with his Ethiopian just-ground coffee, me with my first flush Darjeeling tea — and set a relationship intention for the day. I aspire to speak in a warm, calm tone instead of a snappy, unpleasant one. So here is your challenge: Most mornings, commit to spending five minutes with your partner.
Silently think of a small or large relationship intention. Then share it. Then, commit to spending two minutes at the end of the day reviewing your progress. How did you do? Did you turn your intentions into actions? Did you forget?
Can you tweak your intentions to make them even more actionable? Because falling in love is easy. But staying in love takes mindfulness. Luckily, tomorrow is a new day, and we can choose, once again, to make love intentional. If you would like to see where your relationship status is at, you can take the Passion Quiz here. Cheryl Fraser, PhD, is a Buddhist psychologist, sex therapist, author and speaker who has helped thousands of couples jumpstart their love life and create passion that lasts a lifetime.
An awarded Fulbright scholar, she has conducted extensive research on sexual behavior and what causes love relationships to to succeed or fail. Fraser presents enlivening mindfulness exercises, techniques from couples and sex therapy, and the wisdom of Buddhist teachings to help couples break free from the monotony of familiar routines, and reignite the passion they once had.
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