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This morning I passed you in the isle and when we made eye contact you gave me a smile. Maybe its wishful thinking but I was hoping you might like to chat. Drop me a note and tell me what flight it was and the color of your hair. I'll know its you. Your post was heartfelt even if you felt uneasiness, lack of trust, fear and sadness.
I felt all of these feeling with every word I read. So you got your points across, that you needed to say You gave me A good memory. It hard to go. Sometimes in class due to subject then when I walk back to my jeep after class. Then I come home and sleep a few hours.
But I have learned a lot and have way more to learn. I have learn to not need my. I may get short of breath, but I control it with my mind to catch my breath. I 2 wash clothes. Im ready It all decrease rather quickly Attacks stop right away. But no 2 weeks. Yesterday I completed my first 10 min walk around the centers grounds and back to class.
No shortness of breath at all. First time since May. First time I could breath with issues, beginning to end. The everyone was surprised and celebrated. As a group they have done no exercise, since I cant with out triggering my shortness of breath and possible attack.
I can not drive night. I can now go to stores or errands, day or night. Its taken me so long to get this far, yet team feel I have come along way. You ed it on. I couldn't see it. Didn't agree, justified myself, and moved on. When you disappeared, I attacked you for my past.
I issued hurt, to the degree of the millionth power I was judge, jury and exaction squad. I also continued to be. All I can say I am truly sorry with all my heart. My counselor has shown we that I have become the Perpetrator. One of a run away love. Those I dated. I ran never to say a word, never to let then have respect or closure. I see that now. I feel it now. I cant change it then Theres something I can do to change the behavior. Class to learn how to learn how to treat, respect, trust and love your partner unconditionally.
Its a couples and individuals like me, to change.
I have to take responsibility right. I will continue to if I don't learn how. All I know is bad, so what the fuck, been there. Lets do something different. At the very least, you can know and accept you had it together, I didn't. The more you tried to show me I fought to accept. I always said, God put you in my life to help me walk thesee things I needed to see. The 3 of us were there. Thank you I am truly sorry, I hope you forgive me one day Lastly I started back to work this week, part time 20 hours. In a month, doctors and I will decide if Im ready to go 30 or 40 hours.
So strong Needless to say I am struggling with learning to say the word No, when I need to.
All I have to worry about right now is me. Today, even as hard as it was writing our post. Thank you. I love you Till then. We have to feel, learn and. I know touchy feeling crap, but it seems we both need some time to determine how to and improve just to ease the pain. We just got to Soldier Up. He wont take us down the wrongwe will see each other one day. Either here, there or in.
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